Women...

I was emotionally moved by something today. It actually brought me to tears, which doesn’t happen to me often.

Pink's video for- F-ing Perfect

(this video contains the f-word)

I don't know literally how many girls have felt this way in their lives, but I know I am one of them. Feeling like it's always your fault, you can never do anything right, no one really cares if you are around or not, your fat and ugly, you might as well be dead.

What young girls don’t realize, which is sad, is that they are beautiful. Girls make the world go round. Their may be more male world leaders than women, but without the support, caring and dare I say nagging of the women around them, they would never have gotten there.

Women populate the planet. We make it a beautiful place. We instill feeling, caring and peace into our children. We cook, clean and do laundry, we design spacecrafts, run cities, win medals, write books, develop new medical procedures and the hardest of all… we support men in all of these efforts, a lot of the time not getting that support back.

The worst part is that during all of this, somehow women feel the need to beat each other down; emotionally, physically, and mentally. We are our worst enemies.

I truly believe that if all of the women in the world stopped picking on each other for the kind of shoes and jeans we are wearing, where we live, and how our hair is done, and started concentrating those 4-10 hours spent in a multitude of "women only" gyms on curing disease, world poverty, homelessness and hunger, the world would be a much better place.

I have this amazing little girl. She is smart. She has a bit of an 80's rocker girl style she rocks. She has a quirky sense of humor. She is amazing. In my eyes, she is F#*~ing perfect!

I constantly look at her and pray silently that she never has to feel how I felt growing up. No one should ever have to feel invisible and pointless. I try to make sure to tell her that it's ok to be just you, even if ignorant people in school tell you its not. School is not your whole life, it's just the beginning.

Please all you out there who in any way have anything to do with raising a child, make sure they know that they are loved and special! It’s the best thing you could ever do for them

A Year Ends and Another Begins

I am reflecting back a lot on the past year. It started wonderfully with my engagement! We have had birthdays, weddings, friends come and go, we have helped each other through some hard times in our lives, we have lived it to the fullest.

There are a lot of people that had a very bad 2010 and a lot that had a great 2010.
I like to think I am part of the latter. I have been made aware that life is worth living to the fullest, family is most important, people come and go in our lives, to always be greatful~ even for the hard times as they are what shape us into who we are and that no matter what, keep an open mind and always try to maintain a fresh outlook on whatever you are dealing with.

Here is wishing all reading this a VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

I am looking forward to what the future holds for me and my family. It has expanded over the last year (well, legally, lol), and continues to expand in the next. More weddings, babies, parties, birthdays and happy times await....

 I am excited!



On the track to fabulous!

I have been working hard for the last 7 months to take of an extreme amount of weight, and have been succeeding.

There came this point where I all of a sudden came to a crazy realization... how can I be a role model to my kids when I look and feel this way? I have a steady job, and am pretty level-headed but I was over 100lbs overweight, tired, crabby and on an emotional eating roller-coaster because of it.

I started seeing little things in regards to how my daughter was responding to me. She didnt' want me to get out of the car when I would take her to, or pick her up from school or a friends house. That was an instant realization to me that my daughter was ashamed of me.... and it hurt. Not that I can blame her. My son would get upset that mommy couldn't chase him around the playground for tag... that upset me as well.

I sat down a little while ago and watched some old home movies and had to leave the room almost in tears. Ya know, I always found it weird how the contestants on the "Biggest Loser" would say, "I never knew I was that big", until it happened to me. There I was, on the screen, HUGE! What happened to me? How could I let myself get this way?

So I started thinking back. Gaining 83lbs pregnant with my son didnt' help, but the 20 after that was all my fault. Daily trips to any number of fast food places, probably not a good idea. I looked in the cupboards at home and in the fridge. I actually threw out a ton of food that none of us needed.

A few things I have learned:

• You will actually feel fuller longer if you eat healthy! Its not the portion size, but the type of food. Eating a big mac and fries may fill you up for the time being, but your tummy will not really appreciate it. A Grilled Chicken sandwich with a salad on the side will give you more useful energy and keep you going instead of make you feel lethargic.
• DON'T DRINK YOUR CALORIES!! This one is huge!!!Water, diet pop, coffee, tea, whatever the case may be is always better than a small can of coke for 120 calories!
• You must drink water to lose weight. This is probably the most important one. I can stick to proper eating, get exercise and think I am doing amazing, but if I haven't drank all my water, even for 1 day, the scale will not budge. Sometimes its very hard to do, but necessary.
• Learn to enjoy the little things (watch portion sizes)- most pre-packaged items are actually double or even quadruple the recommended portion size is. There is no need to eat an entire box of macaroni, a quarter of it would suffice, just add a salad, or carrot and celery sticks.
• Not all fat is bad fat- real vegetable oils are good for you in moderation. Real fats are good, like the ones that come from nuts.

Since then, I have lost 84lbs and am on the right track to being fabulous again. I have had friends and family as support, and have seen a difference in my families moods and health since I have changed the way I cook. My son and daughter are more than happy to help me dress like a "beautiful mommy" as my son would put it and really enjoy doing things like going swimming, hiking, walking the dogs, or running around the playground.


The best part is showing my daughter, who is constantly inundated with images in the media and in person, that there is a way to be healthy, while enjoying your life and being who you are. Its nice to be able to answer the question "Where did you go?" with "Far far away, never to return".

Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

Bing Crosby singing "Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas"

 

With Christmas fast approaching I am getting more excited! I love Christmas! You know what "they" say…

 It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

Even as an adult I find it difficult to sleep on Christmas Eve.

Yuletide excitement is a potent caffeine, no matter your age.

~Carrie Latet

Even though there is not a lot of money around since the wedding, there are the traditions, the family time, the baking, the decorating, the shopping and the opportunity to give my kids more fabulous memories that gets me excited every year.

I think the first tradition of the season for us is the Santa Claus Parade. Its not great, we freeze our butts off, everyone gets a little grumpy, but when the kids get to collect a little candy, and see Santa, their faces light up and makes it worth it.

Then comes my hubby's family tradition of getting totally bundled up, getting a total of 14 people into numerous cars, driving all the way up to Columbia Valley, stomping around through the snow and cold to find that one perfect tree, chopping it down, getting it bundled, hauling it up the stairs, and putting it in the stand.

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree.

In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.

~Larry Wilde

From that moment, it seems like Christmas explodes in our house! All the decorations go up, the scent of a real tree brightens the house and we all get a little more excited.

The kids hang their stockings, we do up a gingerbread house, do a little more Christmas baking, make sure to watch every Christmas movie that exists numerous times in the month and enjoy all the happiness that is out there.

We take the time to go through all the kids toys and clothes with them to donate to other children that aren't so blessed to be spoiled like they are. Hubby and I make sure to go through our stuff as well cause there are people who can use a jacket that I haven’t worn to stay warm, or the extra scarf and gloves.

I am sure that I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round...as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely.

~Charles Dickens

My whole goal with regards to Christmas is to make happy memories for my children and instill in them that one of the best parts of Christmas is giving. Whether it is charitable, emotional, donating your time or physically giving a present, it is what makes the true spirit of Christmas real.

The best way to spread Christmas Cheer, is singing loud for all to hear. -Buddy the Elf

Things that make you go hmmm

Ignorance- is a state of being uninformed

Ignorance is bliss…?

Bliss- is a state of profound satisfaction, happiness and joy, a constant state of mind, undisturbed by gain or loss.

No, to me ignorance is as dangerous as a long-term bully on the bullied child. How could a "state of being uniformed" really be considered blissful?

Let's look at that for a minute.

I suppose the argument goes that what you don't know can't hurt you. Well, that is just not true. A plane crash can still kill you if you are on it, weather or not you know that a plane can crash.

The older we get as humanity, the more we learn. I can see that children may be considered ignorant because they are not yet aware that there are people out there that will hurt them, whole countries that will fight major wars over unproven ideas, their days are made up of playing, eating, sleeping, school, and they KNOW that their parents will always be there for them… as they should be.

As we get older, we are supposed to gain knowledge. Some people believe that all the knowledge that they need can come from a textbook, others believe that all the smarts you need in life are "street smarts". I like to think that without practical use of any knowledge obtained, it may as well be considered useless. Think of these people that are in school for years on end, come out thinking they know all the answers in that specific field, only to learn a new and necessary lesson…. They don't know everything!

SMACK!!

• It hits you when you least expect it…
• It gives you this innate sense of motion sickness…
• All of a sudden you find that you are going to either scream or cry…
• Try to run and hide, you can't escape…
• Even other activities won't distract your mind long enough to relax at all…

~~REALITY~~

Ever notice how right when you feel like you are in control, master of your own universe, controller of your own destiny, that is right when everything is totally out of your control?

 

But, then there are people out there that are like a life-support system.
       They remind you that this is just a little hiccup during a swallow, a small little raincloud to pooh-bear… they remind you that life will be better, you are doing a good job and you can handle this. Its those people (you know who you are), that make it so that while I am facing these times that feel so bad and well up so high in my throat that I feel I am going to suffocate, you bring me back down from that and make it so that I can smile and face the day head on.

 

 THANK YOU!

 

Fighting the Losing Fight

So, I came to this insane realization that being a mom is the equivalent to constantly fighting a losing battle.

•  No matter how much laundry I do, there is always more
• No matter how many meals I make, they are always hungry.
• No matter how many times I discipline, there are always more
• No matter how many noses I wipe, shoes I ties, ouchies I kiss, arguments we get into, groundings I give, outings I go on and grocery shopping I do…. There is always more.
• No matter how much I beat myself up over things that I have done with, to and for my kids, there is always going to be more.

Then there came this epiphany moment last night as I was giving my son trouble for something wrong that he did, and he looked at me sheepishly and said "but mommy, I love you and just want a hug".

• No matter what there are always kisses
• No matter what there are always hugs
• No matter what, there is always that comfort in knowing that what I am doing, I am doing with the best intentions of raising wonderful kids into amazing adults.

Sometimes, being a mom can be the hardest job in the world. We are doctors, chefs, police, judges, chauffeurs, receptionists, personal assistants and counselors. Sometimes I know that it is more than I think I can handle. However, when one of my awesome kids looks at me and says "I love you mom", it all suddenly becomes worth it.

 

 

All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.
- Lincoln

The future destiny of the child is always the work of the mother
- Napoleon Bonaparte

The time is fast approaching...

I cant believe that it is only 6 weeks till my wedding!!

I feel like I am freaking out because I am not freaking out... if that makes any sense. I am sooo excited! My life is great. I am so in love with my amazing man and very much looking forward to becoming his wife.

Clothes are figured out, food... well, lets just say that I feel very greatful that such an amazing chef is making all the food for my big day, decorations are all figured out with finishing touches being added, almost all of the RSVP's have been returned to me, hotel rooms have been booked, and fittings have been scheduled.

I want to thank everyone who is helping and who is going to help ahead of time for all of the love you have all shown to us. We will be forever greatful!

We are looking foward to celebrating with those we love the most

and having a freaking awesome time doing it!!!

Just livin life

   So I know that my blogging has slowed, but I am realizing that is probably a good thing, considering what the intention of this was to be a place for me to talk out my viewpoints on all those things that drive us to the point of losing it on a daily basis.
   So, while I still succumb to these urges occasionally, I have managed to do a flip around to the "lighter side of the news" I guess you could say.
   For quite a while there, all that would come out of my mind or my mouth seemed to be negative. Almost like a verbal diarrhea of negativity. Now, I seem to be focusing much more on everything that is making me happy on a daily basis, and I have to say that this blog, writing down all that stuff, has made me realize more-so that I am not appreciating what I have. Kind of a "practice what you preach" scenario a little bit. This is something that I am constantly telling people around me. "Look on the bright side though..." and now I seemed to have learned how to take my own advice.

Lets break it down:

WEDDING! So, there is only 58 days till my wedding. I finally got my hair done, and it looks amazing if I must say so myself. Was definitely the talk of the salon for at least that day if not longer. Going from orangy blonde to ashy-golden blond with bright red and black streaks was a real stretch for a salon where 95% of the coloring is all the women wanting to be blonde, lol. Good times. We have almost everything we need for the reception. I went and got the marriage license which made everything much more real. My Amazing Man's mom took him out and got him his suit for the wedding and he is going to look.. well, amazing. My son is set with his tux and now all that is left is my daughter.... dress shopping it is!!

Home life... this one is interesting. I love my home life. I just don't love my home which makes it hard to want to be there at all. Slooooowly working on getting out of there into something we can all be happy with, but that will take time.

Kids... They are both in full-time school now! My son is in all day kindergarten and seems to be loving it. Awesome! The other night I looked at my daughter and said "are you in Gr.5 now??" Geez, that just doesn't seem right! I can't be that old already can I? I still vividly remember grade 5! Wow.  See, I have been worried about my daughter coming home after a long stretch (2 months) of being with her dad. We have a volatile relationship and I think its just because we communicate in different ways. I have a logical thought process where hers are based on emotion. Since she got home, I have been trying my absolute best to understand how she is feeling about things like school, wedding, friends, siblings and such, but when all you get is a crying "I don't know how I feel", then what?!?! Well, we actually had a talk the other night and we both eased up a little I think. It was good and I feel like my daughter is starting her Gr.5 year in a pretty good place emotionally. She's a great kid, a caring person, and a total intellectual. Not only that, but I think she will be amazing at guitar!!

Love life... well, I seem to have found the guy that I need. He is a rock for me and when I think of him all I think is the word "safe". After sooo many years of never feeling that way, its so amazing that just one person can give me that. He is my other half. He is that calm, soft spoken side of me that I never knew existed. He can take me out of any crazy moment with a soft touch on my hand or a simple smile can make my tears dry up. One in a million!

So it looks like my life is slowly turning into all that I always wished it would.

Is it all its cracked up to be?

So, my mom was out here a little while ago and was fabulous enough to take my son to a dr's appointment. Turns out he had an ear infection and was prescribed a very common antibiotic. So after forgetting about it and not really being on schedule with it, we finally got it on track and his ears are clearing up.

Well, yesterday he woke up looking kinda weird. He had a crazy rash all over his body, not itchy, not raised; he wouldn't have even known if I didn't make him shower right when I saw it. So by last night after he had gone to sleep, he woke up at about midnight and looked like death warmed over.

That was it, got dressed, contacts in, shoes on. Got him bundled up and took him to the ER. Here is where it got interesting for me.

I hear all the time how our "free" universal medical system makes for insane wait times and all around bad service.

From walking in the door, registering, going to the triage nurse, getting into a room,

seeing the dr, getting a diagnosis (allergic to the antibiotic amoxicillin),

got a prescription for a different one, got him bundled again and got back in the car

was less than an hour.

I find that when it is something important, it is dealt with as quickly as possible. When it involves children it is dealt with as quickly as possible.

After all the problems that we have been dealing with… my grandma being in the hospital for 2 weeks (with amazing care), being at home, rushed through specialists, blood work, doctors appointments, scans, back in and out of the hospital and now this experience with my son, I have actually gotten more appreciation for our Health Care system.

That’s my rant today