News nowadays...

I found myself saying to someone this past weekend "I don't watch the news, its too depressing". So of course I have been thinking about this.

What is my actual reasoning behind this? Bad things happen and I just don't want to know? I like living in a bubble of ignorance? Is it that the older I have gotten, the more scared I have become?
I know that I have definitely become more paranoid as the years have gone by.... maybe more realistic. As a teen, I thought nothing bad would ever happen to me, now I worry about all the bad stuff that could happen to my kids. I have become hyper-aware of all the stupid things I did when I was younger and am afraid that they will do them to without the fortunate outcomes that I had.

I started doing a little research. The way I figure, you will either read about financial turmoil, violence, starvation, or things as simple as our recent headline "Ryder Lake toads on the move" or stupid celebrity infatuation crap like "Mariah Carey shows off post Baby Bod in swimsuit" and Kat Von D blogs about Jesse James Breakup. Is the latter to make it so our minds can be thoughtless and forget about all the horrible crap that happens all over the world? Is it all a way to make our own lives seem better?

I always have the same thoughts when I see those commercials, you know the ones, "for just $1 a day you too can save a life" that if only I had millions of dollars, I would save them all. Then for some reason I feel a small amount of responsibility for those poor little kids whose parents died and the 5 yr old is left trying to feed himself and his 2yr old brother all the while being sick himself.
Its sick really. Why do I feel responsible for kids that I have never met and never will? Why do I shed a tear when I see that commercial and then try to feed my kids who just don't feel like eating that particular meal, all the while thinking of the money wasted and food thrown away that could do so much to help people so much less fortunate than we are.

Recently a friend and I were talking about her recent change of career path. She was going to work with the Ministry of Children and Families deciding when a child is in danger enough to be pulled from their home. I remember telling her a long time ago that I could never do that job. I could never see the files of what had been done to these kids, the neglect they face and still leave them there because its not "quite bad enough" to take them away. I couldn't leave them there with people who may beat them, or neglect them or starve them. No child deserves that. I was raised with the saying "eye for an eye". I figured (if I had the guts) I would have to inflict that on the bad people, I suppose turning me into one of them. Well, after a few years of schooling, and a lot of thinking she realized that she wouldn't be able to stomach that either.

I have been cursed with an over-caring heart I guess. That must be it.... that's why I can't watch the news.

This unfortunately leaves me with a slightly broken heart and a feeling that all I can do is say the same prayer every night when I go to bed. I'll share it with you. I lay down at night, put my head on my pillow, close my eyes and say

"Please keep safe all the children in the world, let them have enough food, water and shelter to live happily, schooling to do what they want to do and someone to love them like they deserve"

Building memories

I have come to a decision.

I am going to do my absolute best to make sure that my kids have amazing memories of their childhood.

I have some amazing childhood memories; most of them with my grandparents. They did everything they could to make sure that they built memories for us to treasure throughout our lives. I remember trips to Playland, Wonderland, Flintstone Park, Cultus Lake, the Zoo, the Aquarium, and a multitude of other places.

One of the memories I have of going to these places is the coolers of food my grandma would bring. It was so fun for all of us to get in the kitchen the day before the big trip and start the assembly line. Peeling eggs and chopping potatoes for egg salad, making sandwiches, packing fruit and drinks, snacks and anything else my grandma came up with for the day.


Then came the anticipation… all of us unable to sleep because of the excitement.
Morning finally coming and everyone jumping out of bed to eat breakfast and get all packed into the car and off we went.

It’s that excitement that I want my kids to have. It’s those memories and those moments to share later in life. I want them to be able to say “I had a great childhood” and have the memories to back it up

That’s my goal

A little reflection

Life is interesting, frustrating, rewarding, dissappointing, enjoyable and aggravating all at the same time.

Did you ever have someone send you a text or an email that you cant stop looking back at?
Did you ever have someone say something to you that you just cant get out of your head?
Did you ever have a dream that rang a little too close to reality that has totally thrown you off?

Its frustrating...

Those moments are what shape us into who we are and guide us to make the decisions that we do.

Its that picture of an ex that you see somewhere on Facebook or in someone's house that
can either well up anger, hatered, guilt, love or longing.

Its the smirking glimpse you get from that old flame as you are walking into the grocery store that sets your mind racing.

Its the one song that you overhear in the car that passes you on the road that
can stir up the most emotional or primal memory.

What are our lives if not glimpses of the time that has already passed and what is to come? Memories make up most of what we are.

My mantra has always been:

"I do not regret anything in my life. Without the good and the bad,

I would not be who I am today, or in the places I am now."

I love reflecting back on my life and I do it often. I scroll through photos, old letters and notes, listen to old songs that take me back to a specific time or memory. I don't ever want to forget who I was, where I came from, what I have seen along the way, or the lessons that I have learned from the people that I met on that journey.

Life has good and bad. It has amazing and horrific. It has memorable and forgettable.

All I can hope for is that when I get to the end of it, I have done the best I could to be a good person, effect those I was supposed to, raise good children, be a good wife, mother, daughter, grand-daughter, cousin, neice and friend and have lived every day I have to the max.

Letting go

The saying goes "If you love something, let it go...." well, we all know the saying, but does it make sense?

I recently let go of someone in my life that had been there for a LONG time. A friend, confidant, shoulder, co-conspirator, accomplice and so much more. This has been a hard life lesson and a lesson in self control.

It happens very often where I almost pick up the phone, or I do pick up the phone and dial all but 1 number before hanging up, putting it down and staring at it. Why do I do that?

Am I wanting to deal with everything that finally led up to that decision? No
Am I wanting to have to explain, again, what hurt me so much to make that my only option? No, nor do I feel I should have to.

"People are around for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you figure out which it is, you will know what to do."

So what if the person you thought would be around for a lifetime, turns into a season, whether that be an actual season, or a "season" in your life, like 20 years. How do you deal with losing that person, even if it was ultimately your decision?

That is unfortunately where I am stuck...

When does it become alright again?

When does that void get filled?

Can everything be forgiven AND forgotten?

Can that relationship be mended?                                            Nope, I dont think so

Women...

I was emotionally moved by something today. It actually brought me to tears, which doesn’t happen to me often.

Pink's video for- F-ing Perfect

(this video contains the f-word)

I don't know literally how many girls have felt this way in their lives, but I know I am one of them. Feeling like it's always your fault, you can never do anything right, no one really cares if you are around or not, your fat and ugly, you might as well be dead.

What young girls don’t realize, which is sad, is that they are beautiful. Girls make the world go round. Their may be more male world leaders than women, but without the support, caring and dare I say nagging of the women around them, they would never have gotten there.

Women populate the planet. We make it a beautiful place. We instill feeling, caring and peace into our children. We cook, clean and do laundry, we design spacecrafts, run cities, win medals, write books, develop new medical procedures and the hardest of all… we support men in all of these efforts, a lot of the time not getting that support back.

The worst part is that during all of this, somehow women feel the need to beat each other down; emotionally, physically, and mentally. We are our worst enemies.

I truly believe that if all of the women in the world stopped picking on each other for the kind of shoes and jeans we are wearing, where we live, and how our hair is done, and started concentrating those 4-10 hours spent in a multitude of "women only" gyms on curing disease, world poverty, homelessness and hunger, the world would be a much better place.

I have this amazing little girl. She is smart. She has a bit of an 80's rocker girl style she rocks. She has a quirky sense of humor. She is amazing. In my eyes, she is F#*~ing perfect!

I constantly look at her and pray silently that she never has to feel how I felt growing up. No one should ever have to feel invisible and pointless. I try to make sure to tell her that it's ok to be just you, even if ignorant people in school tell you its not. School is not your whole life, it's just the beginning.

Please all you out there who in any way have anything to do with raising a child, make sure they know that they are loved and special! It’s the best thing you could ever do for them

A Year Ends and Another Begins

I am reflecting back a lot on the past year. It started wonderfully with my engagement! We have had birthdays, weddings, friends come and go, we have helped each other through some hard times in our lives, we have lived it to the fullest.

There are a lot of people that had a very bad 2010 and a lot that had a great 2010.
I like to think I am part of the latter. I have been made aware that life is worth living to the fullest, family is most important, people come and go in our lives, to always be greatful~ even for the hard times as they are what shape us into who we are and that no matter what, keep an open mind and always try to maintain a fresh outlook on whatever you are dealing with.

Here is wishing all reading this a VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

I am looking forward to what the future holds for me and my family. It has expanded over the last year (well, legally, lol), and continues to expand in the next. More weddings, babies, parties, birthdays and happy times await....

 I am excited!



On the track to fabulous!

I have been working hard for the last 7 months to take of an extreme amount of weight, and have been succeeding.

There came this point where I all of a sudden came to a crazy realization... how can I be a role model to my kids when I look and feel this way? I have a steady job, and am pretty level-headed but I was over 100lbs overweight, tired, crabby and on an emotional eating roller-coaster because of it.

I started seeing little things in regards to how my daughter was responding to me. She didnt' want me to get out of the car when I would take her to, or pick her up from school or a friends house. That was an instant realization to me that my daughter was ashamed of me.... and it hurt. Not that I can blame her. My son would get upset that mommy couldn't chase him around the playground for tag... that upset me as well.

I sat down a little while ago and watched some old home movies and had to leave the room almost in tears. Ya know, I always found it weird how the contestants on the "Biggest Loser" would say, "I never knew I was that big", until it happened to me. There I was, on the screen, HUGE! What happened to me? How could I let myself get this way?

So I started thinking back. Gaining 83lbs pregnant with my son didnt' help, but the 20 after that was all my fault. Daily trips to any number of fast food places, probably not a good idea. I looked in the cupboards at home and in the fridge. I actually threw out a ton of food that none of us needed.

A few things I have learned:

• You will actually feel fuller longer if you eat healthy! Its not the portion size, but the type of food. Eating a big mac and fries may fill you up for the time being, but your tummy will not really appreciate it. A Grilled Chicken sandwich with a salad on the side will give you more useful energy and keep you going instead of make you feel lethargic.
• DON'T DRINK YOUR CALORIES!! This one is huge!!!Water, diet pop, coffee, tea, whatever the case may be is always better than a small can of coke for 120 calories!
• You must drink water to lose weight. This is probably the most important one. I can stick to proper eating, get exercise and think I am doing amazing, but if I haven't drank all my water, even for 1 day, the scale will not budge. Sometimes its very hard to do, but necessary.
• Learn to enjoy the little things (watch portion sizes)- most pre-packaged items are actually double or even quadruple the recommended portion size is. There is no need to eat an entire box of macaroni, a quarter of it would suffice, just add a salad, or carrot and celery sticks.
• Not all fat is bad fat- real vegetable oils are good for you in moderation. Real fats are good, like the ones that come from nuts.

Since then, I have lost 84lbs and am on the right track to being fabulous again. I have had friends and family as support, and have seen a difference in my families moods and health since I have changed the way I cook. My son and daughter are more than happy to help me dress like a "beautiful mommy" as my son would put it and really enjoy doing things like going swimming, hiking, walking the dogs, or running around the playground.


The best part is showing my daughter, who is constantly inundated with images in the media and in person, that there is a way to be healthy, while enjoying your life and being who you are. Its nice to be able to answer the question "Where did you go?" with "Far far away, never to return".

Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

Bing Crosby singing "Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas"

 

With Christmas fast approaching I am getting more excited! I love Christmas! You know what "they" say…

 It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

Even as an adult I find it difficult to sleep on Christmas Eve.

Yuletide excitement is a potent caffeine, no matter your age.

~Carrie Latet

Even though there is not a lot of money around since the wedding, there are the traditions, the family time, the baking, the decorating, the shopping and the opportunity to give my kids more fabulous memories that gets me excited every year.

I think the first tradition of the season for us is the Santa Claus Parade. Its not great, we freeze our butts off, everyone gets a little grumpy, but when the kids get to collect a little candy, and see Santa, their faces light up and makes it worth it.

Then comes my hubby's family tradition of getting totally bundled up, getting a total of 14 people into numerous cars, driving all the way up to Columbia Valley, stomping around through the snow and cold to find that one perfect tree, chopping it down, getting it bundled, hauling it up the stairs, and putting it in the stand.

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree.

In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.

~Larry Wilde

From that moment, it seems like Christmas explodes in our house! All the decorations go up, the scent of a real tree brightens the house and we all get a little more excited.

The kids hang their stockings, we do up a gingerbread house, do a little more Christmas baking, make sure to watch every Christmas movie that exists numerous times in the month and enjoy all the happiness that is out there.

We take the time to go through all the kids toys and clothes with them to donate to other children that aren't so blessed to be spoiled like they are. Hubby and I make sure to go through our stuff as well cause there are people who can use a jacket that I haven’t worn to stay warm, or the extra scarf and gloves.

I am sure that I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round...as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely.

~Charles Dickens

My whole goal with regards to Christmas is to make happy memories for my children and instill in them that one of the best parts of Christmas is giving. Whether it is charitable, emotional, donating your time or physically giving a present, it is what makes the true spirit of Christmas real.

The best way to spread Christmas Cheer, is singing loud for all to hear. -Buddy the Elf

Things that make you go hmmm

Ignorance- is a state of being uninformed

Ignorance is bliss…?

Bliss- is a state of profound satisfaction, happiness and joy, a constant state of mind, undisturbed by gain or loss.

No, to me ignorance is as dangerous as a long-term bully on the bullied child. How could a "state of being uniformed" really be considered blissful?

Let's look at that for a minute.

I suppose the argument goes that what you don't know can't hurt you. Well, that is just not true. A plane crash can still kill you if you are on it, weather or not you know that a plane can crash.

The older we get as humanity, the more we learn. I can see that children may be considered ignorant because they are not yet aware that there are people out there that will hurt them, whole countries that will fight major wars over unproven ideas, their days are made up of playing, eating, sleeping, school, and they KNOW that their parents will always be there for them… as they should be.

As we get older, we are supposed to gain knowledge. Some people believe that all the knowledge that they need can come from a textbook, others believe that all the smarts you need in life are "street smarts". I like to think that without practical use of any knowledge obtained, it may as well be considered useless. Think of these people that are in school for years on end, come out thinking they know all the answers in that specific field, only to learn a new and necessary lesson…. They don't know everything!

SMACK!!

• It hits you when you least expect it…
• It gives you this innate sense of motion sickness…
• All of a sudden you find that you are going to either scream or cry…
• Try to run and hide, you can't escape…
• Even other activities won't distract your mind long enough to relax at all…

~~REALITY~~

Ever notice how right when you feel like you are in control, master of your own universe, controller of your own destiny, that is right when everything is totally out of your control?

 

But, then there are people out there that are like a life-support system.
       They remind you that this is just a little hiccup during a swallow, a small little raincloud to pooh-bear… they remind you that life will be better, you are doing a good job and you can handle this. Its those people (you know who you are), that make it so that while I am facing these times that feel so bad and well up so high in my throat that I feel I am going to suffocate, you bring me back down from that and make it so that I can smile and face the day head on.

 

 THANK YOU!