Monday, August 23, 2010


So I was left with a thought this long weekend (mine, not everyone else's):
Is stress really such a bad thing??

Our society has become so obsessed with stress and the negative effects it has on people, but seldom are the positive things mentioned. I know that seems more than absurd to most people, but if you really think about it, there are definitely positive benefits of stress.

One, is that is makes people push themselves. Take, for instance, my example: All of a sudden, its no longer 3 months till my wedding, it is MUCH closer to 2 months! Holy stress! No invitations are sent yet! That stress made me push myself, including a quick trip to Abby to get some necessities from Michael's and 2 nights of being up past 1am to finish them, but at least now I am done!

Two, it forces us to take what we deserve. In my case, I need affection, I get stressed when I don't get it. I have learned in this relationship, that while as the "amazing man" told me yesterday "you are my life!", I need for him to say things like that more... maybe I am more of a girl than I thought, lol. All it seems to take is a little nudge from me and he picks up on that. My son is the exact same as his father, so I literally have to tell him to hug me, but it works nicely because he is more than happy to MOST times.

Three, moderate amounts of stress are healthy. A moderate amount would be what you personally can cope with on a day to day basis. I find that if I am not stressed at all going into a situation, I feel completely unprepared, and if I let myself get overstressed, then I just feel nauseous! There is the right amount, that little bit that lets you know as much as you can about the unexpected!

I have definitely been more stressed as of late, what with my grandma being in the hospital, missing my daughter, having to figure out what to do with my wedding dress, and on and on. However, instead of having any negative effects on me, I think it has helped me. I was totally prepared to be going to the hospital everyday, three times a day for months if need be, but grandma is home now, and a lot more comfortable. My little girl will be home in 2 weeks!! YAY! My dress can be fixed! YAY!!! Wedding stuff is all falling together nicely :) 

So, I am actually kinda happy to say that I am slightly stressed. It means I am striving for more, taking what I deserve, and being prepared for whatever is thrown at me.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Dreams.. ya gotta wonder

So I had this crazy dream last night…

All of a sudden it was November 6th, there was no food, we were in the wrong place, I didn't have a dress to wear, the DJ was arriving and the place was locked, nothing was set up, the invites weren't even sent out so half the family wasn’t there, everything that could go wrong, did go wrong.

Then, magically, everything straightened out. I was wearing a fabulous gown, the amazing man looked… amazing, the kids were wonderfully well behaved, all the family showed up, the JP was there, the food was ready, and everything was perfect.

Then I woke up.

I can't believe how terrifying this actually was! It really did freak the crap out of me! Then I look at the countdown and realize that we have passed the 80 day mark. There are now 79 days until the wedding. I am left with the 4 of us with nothing to wear, but that’s about the only thing that we don't have figured out, so all this stress is a little unfounded.


Monday, August 16, 2010

Happiness?? Is it attainable??

This weekend, I read this quote,

"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections"

And it had me wondering… am I ever going to be happy? I seem unable to be able to look past imperfections, whether they are mine, my fianc├ęs, my co-workers, my family's or anyone else that I come across.

I am a self-admitted completely impatient person. I have no patience for stupidity, ignorance or any kind of lacking in anyone. I very often come across with strong opinions, outspoken and with a complete lack of a filter. I am somewhat obnoxious, and like to believe that my opinion is always correct. I have a quick temper. I very often feel like I am being taken advantage of. I cannot comprehend people's lack of caring for others!

On the flip side, I am caring. I truly love those that are important to me and would do anything for them. My family is my life. I take pride in my kids and their accomplishments and feel like there will never be anyone good enough for them. I have a huge heart.

All this has lead me to a quote of my own,
"Being happy doesn’t mean that you look beyond imperfections, it means that you are able to recognize yours and everyone else's and still love yourself and everyone around you for who they are."

So this has me a little Happy

Wednesday, August 11, 2010


So life has become a distinct routine
• Wake up
• Go to work
• Go to the hospital at lunch
• Back to work
• Home
• Dinner
• Back to the hospital
• Home
• Do it all again

The issues with my grandma are at a constant fluctuation. One day she is feeling better, the next nothing will stay down. I am emotionally exhausted.

Now my Aunt seems to be very sick as well. We are all at a loss and totally tired.

Quickly though, if any of you are wondering, still don’t know what to do about my wedding dress, have to get the "amazing man" something to wear, as well as the kids. Other than that I think the wedding stuff is basically done.

Life is a little crazy right now, so this will be my last blog for a little while until I have something else to talk about.

For all of you reading, thanks for caring and like I previously stated on my Facebook,
Please anyone who believes in anything, pray for my grandma, and now Aunt

Monday, August 9, 2010

A weekend to remember

So, as most people who know me already know, this weekend was a heck of a rollercoaster!

  • Grandma was admitted into the hospital

  • My brothers 30th birthday would have been this weekend had he not passed away in 1998

  • My cousin got married

  • My condo flooded

  • There is only 89 days till my wedding

I am exhausted!!

Last night I was the last to leave my grandma at the hospital. That was hard for me. A few posts ago, I was just thinking about how I need to realize that they are not as old as their age dictates. But now I see her there, lying in that bed, and I am remembering being that little girl having to go say goodbye to my great grandma before she passed away.
I know she is not at that point, its an infection and when they can figure out the cause, they can fix her, but at the same time, I cannot help but feel the same way.

On a brighter note, my legs are killing me! For good reasons. We danced at the reception till about 2am. It was a blast and my cousin looked amazing! Everybody had a great time and her and I even got a little boogy out of my grandpa!

Since Saturday night, we are a little more excited for our wedding. I loved that she did it traditional, it was amazing and very well done. We are a little less traditional and I think people will be a little amazed at what I have planned :)

I have to talk to the strata today about the condo flooding.

So, I am left with this thought:
With all that is going on around me, how am I not totally freaking out?? Then I remember something I was told after my parent split, again after my oma passed, after my brother passed and after every other trying thing that my family has been through;
God only gives us what we can handle
I know that I have not been the most religious person over the years, but there is a lot of hypocracy in organized religion as far as I am concerned, but I was raised with a belief system that still rings true to me. This is just another thing that my family is banding together to handle.

Friday, August 6, 2010

A Day of Days

So this was my day:
I woke up at 7 when the alarm went off and woke up the amazing man to go to work, rolled over and went back to sleep. Woke up again and hour and a half later and he was still beside me. Got him up and off to work and called my Grandma who has been sick for a few days.
  • Report: still no good, didnt sleep at all. In immense pain and can barely move.
  • Great!!! (sarcastic)
  • Laid in bed for about 10 minutes and my mom called. Stated that instead of going to Vancouver today to get my wedding dress fixed (refer to previous post), we will be escorting my grandma to the ER
  • Great!! (sarcastic)
  • Got dressed, quickly.
  • Into the car, quickly.
  • Empty tank, got gas, quickly.
  • Picked up my son from one grandma and dropped him to another.
  • Heading to the hospital and get a call that there is water pouring out of my condo into the one below me
  • Great!! (sarcastic)
  • Sped home, quickly.
  • Turned off the water to the toilet, quickly
  • Soped up all the water, quickly
  • Ran downstairs to see the extent of the damage, not much at all actually
  • Great!! serious!! thats great!
  • Changed out of my now soaked clothes, quickly
  • Sped to the hospital, quickly.
  • Sat in the waiting room for a while looking at my grandma who was in obvious amounts of pain
  • Definately NOT great. She gets taken in
  • Waiting...
  • Waiting...
  • Wating...
  • Tests done yesterday came back, could be liver, redoing tests as they were "inconclusive"
  • Great!!! (sarcastic)
  • ate some food, quickly
  • She was put on an IV and we were kicked out for about an hour so she could rest. Took Grandpa to get some food
  • Stressed about my condo
  • Back to the emerg
  • She is now in the acute care ward, morphene drip and still in mass pain, they still dont know why
  • Great!! (sarcastic)
  • Get overwhelmed and have to leave. Go to find her flannel PJ's to keep her warm. Hunt and hunt. Can only find soft sweats. Good enough!
  • Back to hospital, quickly
  • Waiting...
  • waiting...
  • waiting...
  • Leave the room cause she is convulsing with pain
  • Take grandpa to his house to get her favorite housecoat (aka- get him away from there for 20 minutes)
  • Watch him break down... cry some more myself
  • Back to the hospital, quickly
  • Great Aunt shows up, visit with Grandma, then she tells us all to leave for a while
  • Go to Timmy's, quickly
  • Back to the hospital
  • Decide I should leave and maybe see my son a little bit
  • Leave the hospital and remember that my cousin is trying to set up for her wedding tomorrow.
  • Go to G&G's house to get more stuff, hurt my arm, and head to the hall, quickly
  • Help for a while, realize how stressed my poor cousin is, and go get my son to play with hers
  • Decorate...
  • decorate...
  • decorate...
  • Leave, not quickly at all
  • Head to Wendy's for some chili for dinner at 11:00pm
  • Now home

Boy do I wish we would have gone to Van!!!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Well... it finally happened

So last night I was just sitting here, fishing around on the internet for more wedding stuff when all of a sudden I did it... I had a crazy bride moment.

I came to the instant realization that I only have 3 months left to make sure everything is done!
Then, I realized that just like most other men, my fiance doesnt care about the color of the sashes and if they will match the pocket squares....

I was feeling completely lost...
And then...
I sat back and tried to breathe.

I still have 3 whole months and the only reason why I was thinking that seems like a small amount of time is because people are telling me it is.
I then had to pull myself back down from the edge. I just looked over at that great man sitting at the other end of the couch and thought about it...
I dont care if the pocket squares match the sashes either, thats what my mom is for.
I dont have to worry about how my flowers are going to look, thats what my soon to be mom-in-law is for.
I dont have to worry about my pictures, or makeup, or decorations, thats what all of these amazing people that are around me are for. All I have to think about is how in love I truly am with that amazing man.

It is 94 days until I get married and I couldnt be more excited!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

So this is where it stands

I am in a position right now that I am unhappy with... surprise, surprise

I still have to figure out my wedding dress.
My Brother would have been 30 on this Saturday had he not passed away in 1998.
My cousin has decided to get married on his birthday! Of all freaking days.
Still at work.
My son got a shiner today at daycare
I have practically lost my voice.

Lets see, is there a bright side????

I am looking forward to stirfry for dinner!

I get to see my daughter soon!

My son has been asking for me today!

I get to see my mom on Friday and do some more wedding stuff! Only 95 days left!!

I get to see all my closest family and my best friend this weekend to celebrate my cousins wedding!!
I realized just today that I am going to have to let go of some of my clothes because they are too big!! What a hard problem to have (wink wink)

I am off work in 1 minute and only work 2 more days this week!!